Question:

I have had anxiety and depression for many years, it has only got worse since I’ve got married in February, I’ve also started to have more:
(a) Bad dreams (b) anger uncontrollable (c) suicidal (d) scratches on body (sometimes) (e) hating my marriage with the man I have had love marriage with (suppose to be happy), as I’m continuously fighting, and wishing things to end.

I want to know what is the cause of all this and why this is happening to me, I need help because I’m really suffering.
Please help me/guide me, even praying to Allah listening to Surahs based on anxiety and depression isn’t helping me, like nothing is helping. Please help me.

Answer:

Wa alaikum assalam. Bismillahir Rahmanir raheem,

Sorry to hear that you have had anxiety and depression for many years. We pray to Allah that He gives you shifa from this, ameen.

In correlation to your anxiety and depression you are going through some difficulties like: bad dreams, anger uncontrollable, suicidal, scratches on body (sometimes) and hating your marriage etc.   

We give you some brief advice in accordance to the Islamic Shariah. If you act by these short guidance in sha Allah, Allah may give you the protection from all the sufferings you are going through.

1. Regarding bad dreams and what to do:

Narrated by Abu Qatada r.a:  The Prophet s.a.w said, “A good dream that coms true is from Allah, and a bad dream is from Shaytan, so if anyone of you sees a bad dream, he should seek refuge with Allah from Satan and should spit on the left, for the bad dream will not harm him.” [1]

2. Uncontrollable anger:

A. Seeking refuge with Allah from the Shaytan

The Prophet s.a.w said: “if a man gets angry and says, ‘I seek refuge with Allah,’ his anger will go away.” [2]

B. Keeping silent

The Prophet s.a.w said, “If any of you becomes angry, let him keep silent.” [3]

When a person becomes angry, he may utter words of Kufr/disbeleif or curses or may slander which may destroy many things and even would bring enmity and hatred between fellows. This is due to a person loses self control sometimes. Therefore, keeping silent can prevent from all these and it’s a solution to the above.

3. Making movements

If you are angry while standing, sit down and vice-versa. If the anger still does not go away, lie down. Move away from the source of anger, think positive of your relationship with your husband. Make wodhu if the anger is still there.  [4]

4. Remember the promise of Allah

The Prophet s.a.w said: “whoever controls his anger when he has the means to act upon it, Allah will fill his heart with contentment on the day of judgement” [5]

5. Remember the Sunnah

Prophet s.a.w only got angry solely for the sake of Allah. The Prophet s.a.w said: the strong man is not the one who can overpower others (in wrestling); rather, the strong man is the one who controls himself when he gets angry. [6]

Allah swt also mentioned many of the characteristics of a believer, here are two of them below: “spend (in the Allah’s cause) in prosperity and in adversity, [they] repress anger, and [they] pardon men; verily Allah loves al-muhsinoon (the good doers)” [7] and also in another place “… when they are angry, they forgive.” [8]

6. Understand what makes you angry

Knowing what makes you angry will help you to reduce your anger eg, may be someone surrounding you are annoying to you which makes you angry. Try to kindly speak to them if it’s possible. Shouting or scolding at each other would not do any good. The cure to anger is avoiding its causes.

7. Remember the effects of anger

The anger can lead to many disastrous things, in short, like breaking up the family ties (between husband and wife) and eventually can lead to divorce. Damage to one’s own self and to others. Also in some instances anger could lead to physical attacks, such as wounding. Angry person can turn all his/her anger in one selves, may end up tearing cloths, striking his/her cheeks, making scratches on the body or fall unconscious, may break dishes plates, break furniture etc.

In addition, one may think out of anger that his/her life is not worth so it can lead to think of to take suicidal approach which again is dangerous thinking. In this situation you should think of your life that is much precious and loftier in the sight of Allah as a human being (especially as a Muslim). Think of all the contentment and blessings that Allah has given to you. Life is a gift from Allah swt, it only belongs Allah swt. You cannot end your life simply because of small and minor things. By ending the life is not the permanent solution rather you are incurring wrath of Allah swt in the hereafter therefore, these sort of thinking should not dwell in your heart. Try and avert your mind and thinking from this. Do istigfar all the time, in sha Allah this should disappear slowly from your psychology.

In regards to your spouse/marriage you should think of positive things. Minor shortfall do come away throughout the marriage but this should not prevent you from having good relationship between husband and wife. You need to overcome them by looking at the good sides of your spouse. Every individual has good and bad sides though we have to live by these differences particularly throughout the marriage relationship.          

8. Listening to reminders

Remember that Allah and his messenger s.a.w gave lots of warnings as well as sincere advice to control your anger which is one of the characteristics of a believer (as mentioned above).

9. Make dua

Du’a is the best possible means of asking Allah to protect him/her from all evil, trouble and bad behaviour and seek refuge with him from wrongdoing and kufr (disbelief) becaus of anger. You may make dua’a with your own language that comes from your heart.

Hope these few short steps (not confined to the above) that may help you (by the will of Allah) to control your anger as well as experiencing any bad dreams and protect you from other bad influences that may cause harm in your relationship. Ameen.

For deep analysis you may search for good articles online in this regard which may answer most of your quests. Hope the best for you.

References:

[1] Sahih Al-Bukhari: 6986  [2] Saheeh al-Jaami’ al-Sagheer, no. 695 [3] Ahmed, vol-1, p-339] Also Saheeh al-Jaami’, 693, 4027 [4] Ahmed, vol-5, p-152] Also Saheeh al-Jaami’, 694 [5] Tabrani [6] Ahmed, vol-2/236  [7] Surah Ale-Imran 3:134 [8] Surah Al-Shoora 42:37